Greetings everyone. Except for a guy named Jeff and a guy named Mike, and ESPECIALLY my sisters. This weekend started out so promising yet unfortunately ended in frustration, and another heartache; the second such crushing blow in four months. I took the bus down to New Port Richey to see the woman who I thought was my love interest. It started off swell, I gave her a pretty necklace that had sparkly heats that folded up into a four-leaf clover. I told her it was supposed to give that person good luck...more on that in a jiffy. I didn't say too much because 1) she was busy and 2) I wasn't the only person in the bar, not by a long shot.
My kiss of death: the necklace
Anyway, about two hours into what was going to be a three, maybe four-hour visit, I get a text from guess who? One of my sisters. She told me to get home because storms were building, and she doesn't like driving in the rain. Her timing couldn't have been any worse, which seems to be a common theme with my family. The bus running westbound on FL-54 arrived just as she texted me, but I thought it was yet to arrive. Stupid me. So, I hoofed it one mile from the establishment where my L.I works all the way to US 19. When I finally got home at around 5:30, (while it was sunny, no less) not much was said at first other than the fact that I was okay. The bus trip back to Hernando County was memorable again, for all the wrong reasons. One of which was some Boomer Karen deciding to yell at a couple who was obviously in love but not making out or harming anyone to be quiet. Fuck that prude, and too bad she didn't get on the Purple bus to Hernando Co. after the stop at Embassy Av, because I definitely would have given her a piece of my mind.
Anyway, that was Saturday. Sunday was a totally different story. First, I got yelled at by eldest sister because she found out the place where my LI worked wasn't a restaurant, but an adult establishment. I bring this up because I had to use a cover story that she worked at a "restaurant" (she's a bartender), because had I told her the truth outright, she would have shot it down on the spot. Then she starts in on me, first prohibiting me from seeing her again, then saying that I'm "worse than (my late brother)" and that I have always had poor taste in women. At that point I told her to shut up, before I could go any further, she says to me that I needed to shut up and to get out. Good! If I had a place to go to I would, but I don't. Then she complains that she is responsible for me (translation: in her control) and she's tired of her health declining worrying about me. Then she complains that she never had a life of her own. OH REALLY?? NOW WHOSE FUCKING FAULT IS THAT?! The old me would have erupted into a fit of rage like Mt. St. Helen's, but now I just calmly walked into my room and went back to sleep.
Later that evening, remember the necklace bringing good luck? Well, it did alright. She's now involved with someone else much to my dismay. I almost was brought totears not because of that but the cumulation of heartaches, disappointments, and heartbreaks I've had for over thirty years now.
I wonder to myself, what am I doing wrong? Am I not gregarious enough? Am I hardly ever seen in public thanks to my stroke and now COVID? Then I look at other factors. Am I not interesting enough for any of you? I mean I do look at my website hits, and they're barely registering. Is it the fact that I was conceived while the two sisters I live with were playing with a Ouija Board? Is it the fact that I lost my mom at a very young age (7) and I've suffered with depression since? Whatever it is, I'm not doing a good enough job of getting you folks to care. I know that some do, and I appreciate it. But there aren't enough of you, and since February, my hits have been on the decline.
So, for now at least, I'm done writing in this blog. Nobody seems to care or give a hoot about me or my thoughts, so why should I care about writing? As a 48-year old who's been perpetually heartbroken, I honestly don't know how much more I can take. My last date was six years ago, and I don't know if I'll ever have the opportunity to go on one again; every woman I seem to be interested in my sister dislikes (probably because she can't control them). Whether I return to this blog, I don't really know. Whether I make it past the next three years I don't know either. My wonderful daughter is estranged from me, and I don't know if she'll ever speak to me again. And before you offer your prayers, don't. I stopped believing about ten years ago, and it was further emboldened when T****stole the presidency (that's another thing, is my political stance a turnoff?). I'll still be around on twitter...for now.
Until next time, whenever that may be:
(Image: Christina Carlson)
CT
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