Good afternoon. With the quarterfinals of the World Cup beginning later today, I thought I'd give a rundown on what to dislike about each of the remaining eight teams in the tournament.
France: it's FRIGGIN FRANCE! That and they find a way almost every year to have a stupid strike of some sort. Mbappe is good though.
Morocco: my only beef is that they're somehow namedropped on almost every Pitbull song, I guess because he had a concert that drew throngs there.
Norway: they were listed by "Dear Leader" as a nation we should take immigrants in from (IDK why, they're one of the happiest nations on earth). Their main star Erling Haaland plays for one of the more insufferable clubs in England. Speaking of which...
England: my ancestral homeland, and their fans act very entitled. "IT'S COMING HOME!!" Let's see how they screw this up, like they've pretty much screwed everything else up in World History.
Argentina: they won the last Cup. Not only that, but their president is also a right-wing douchenozzle with bad hair. Plus, they've had an easy run so far despite rallying from two goals down against Egypt which they may have had some help with, wink wink.
Switzerland: Yodelay-hee-hoooo. They gotta have more cowbell though, oh wait, that's their ski team. Nevermind.
Belgium: They beat us, even if it was for our own good...or did we tank that game? Either way, MetaMucilini had no business sticking his nose in FIFA's business and should have kept his big trap shut regarding Folarin Balogun's red card against Bosnia. I swear he ruins EVERYTHING! Bonus points to Belgium for mocking Trump's double jerk-off dance, but they still beat us. And finally...
Spain: They frigging win everything in sport over the past two decades. However, this past week at the NATO summit in Turkey, our not so dear leader bad mouthed them, calling them "bad people" in a trade dispute. Probably over something petty.
Hmmm. You know what? I think I've found who to root for these final matches. To see the miserable look on Trump's face as he's giving the World Cup trophy to a nation he doesn't like. VAMOS ESPANA!!
Bonyscribe
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